With aging loved ones living longer, the home care community is tackling inter-generational communications in new and different ways. Baby boomer, adult children have been known to approach the sensitive issue of “what to do” with their aging parents in ways that translate into intrusiveness. Gerontologists and home care professionals encourage a more respectful attitude toward the parents — to let them get old with dignity.
This approach is preferred to age-old solutions such as taking away the parent’s car keys. Or moving the loved one into an adult care facility when the senior can manage well in their own home with the aid of a qualified caregiver.
We, at WFC, have seen these same scenarios act out in real-time. After having disappointing first-hand experiences while looking for proper care of his own parents and in-laws, Glenn Lane founded WFC. He set out to open a different kind of home care agency that offers a more purposeful way to care for our clients with the best trained and certified caregivers in the business. A hallmark of WFC’s approach is to encourage adult children to accept their aging parents for who they are and communicate with each other in mutually respectful ways.
See WFC Blogs:
Managing Communications Styles Between Aging Parents and their Adult Children
Glenn’s Weekend to Remember
Anniversary of a weekend to remember
Dr. Marc Agronin is a board-certified adult and geriatric psychiatrist. His practice includes counseling and treating elderly individuals and their loved ones. He advises not to see aging as an “implacable enemy but start seeing it as a developmental force for enhancing well-being, meaning, and longevity.” People have conditioned themselves to have limiting conceptions about what it means to be “old.” Dr. Agronin believes that these tired notions become internalized throughout one’s lifetime and serve to “denigrate our aging self and perpetuate an ageist culture.”
He recommends embracing aging as a strength. Dr. Agronin identifies today’s people in their 80’s and 90’s as pioneers; seniors are using their time to grow and be creative and with a positive view of aging. They have a deeper sense of purpose in life and trust their ability to make life better. Allowing oneself the freedom to learn how to age in a creative way can provide the remedy to feeling old and the solution to aging well.
Hiram Figueroa recently offered suggestions on LinkedIn for how to celebrate and enjoy our aging loved ones in a post titled “WHEN PARENTS GET OLD.” The post’s upbeat tone resonated with Glenn Lane, who advises adult children of our clients to moderate and soften their mindsets on aging. It is the inspiration for this blog.
As for well-meaning adult children, now in middle age, they will benefit from watching their parents live fulsome lives. Even if the aging parent enters a stage where memory loss or dementia sets in, it’s important to remember that they still deserve their respect and feelings of worthiness.
ALZHEIMER’S PATIENT’S PRAYER
Pray for me I was once like you.
Be kind and loving to me that’s how I would have treated you.
Remember I was once someone’s parent or spouse I had a life and a dream for the future.
Speak to me, I can hear you even if I don’t understand what you are saying.
Speak to me of things in my past of which I can still relate.
Be considerate of me, my days are such a struggle.
Think of my feelings because I still have them and can feel pain.
Treat me with respect because I would have treated you that way.
Think of how I was before I got Alzheimer’s; I was full of life, I had a life, laughed and loved you.
Think of how I am now, My disease distorts my thinking, my feelings, and my ability to respond, but I still love you even if I can’t tell you.
Think about my future because I used to.
Remember I was full of hope for the future just like you are now.
Think how it would be to have things locked in your mind and can’t let them out.
I need you to understand and not blame me, but Alzheimer’s.
I still need the compassion and the touching and most of all I still need you to love me.
Keep me in your prayers because I am between life and death.
The love you give will be a blessing from God and both of us will live forever.
How you live and what you do today will always be remembered in the heart of the Alzheimer’s Patient.
Carolyn Haynali
Copyright © 2000 Carolyn Haynali
Used with permission of the author.
Westchester Family Care Inc. assists people of all ages, by customizing home care plans to maintain healthy quality of life and safety at home.
Contact WFC for an immediate family need or when planning for future needs: info@westfamilycare.com, 914-764-7500,
www.westchesterfamilycare.com.
Westchester Family Care Provides Peace of Mind and Confidence that the Elderly Are Safe and Living with Dignity in Their Own Home.